Читаем Dead Sea полностью

    I stood there in the darkness, debating what to do. I felt wired, nervous. The ship came alive in the silence, groaning and clanging. The engines throbbed and the steam pipes clicked. I decided to take a walk outside. Maybe some fresh air would do me good. I felt guilty about leaving the kids alone, but at the same time, I was restless and didn't want to wake them up if I stayed. I tiptoed out of the berthing compartment and carefully shut the hatch behind me. It banged into place anyway. I cringed, holding my breath, waiting to see if I'd woke the kids. There was no sound from within, so I continued down the passageway.

    According to the chief, a storm was due sometime later in the night or early the next morning. It was certainly dark enough outside. A thick layer of clouds covered the sky, blocking out the moon and stars. There were no lights on the mainland, and none onboard ship, either. Chief Maxey insisted on running without them so we wouldn't attract pirates or raiders. I held my hand up in front of my face and wiggled my fingers. I couldn't see them. The night was black as tar. It was easy enough to imagine that the world no longer existed. In a way, I guess it didn't.

    I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. It had been warm inside the ship, but outside the wind was chilly and brisk. It felt good on my skin. Once I was able to see the railing and deck, I moved up to the signal bridge. A glowing orange ember bloomed in the darkness. A moment later, I smelled cherry tobacco smoke.

    "Is that you, Lamar?" Professor Williams asked.

    "It's me. What's up, Professor? You got pretty good night vision."

    "It's the only biological function that hasn't failed me yet in my old age. Beautiful evening, isn't it?"

    "Yeah," I agreed. "It is."

    I carefully felt my way along the handrail until I'd reached him. Even though my eyes had adjusted, I could barely see him until he puffed on his pipe. Then the soft glow illuminated his features. The professor looked tired.

    "What brings you out tonight?" he asked. "Bad dreams?"

    "No, I don't dream. Just couldn't sleep. Too hot. How about you?"

    The professor chuckled. "I've always enjoyed a good pipe before bed. If I don't get one, I can't sleep worth a damn. But Tony's compartment is right across the passageway from mine. If he smells the tobacco, then he'll want to borrow some, and I'm afraid that my reserves are nearly depleted."

    "We're running out of everything," I said. "Guess we've got to hoard where we can. You know what I'm saying?"

    "Yes," he agreed. "Although it's rather uncivilized, I suppose we do. I love my fellow man, but I love my tobacco more. Smacks of the old world, doesn't it?"

    I shrugged, staring out at the dark water. The horizon was just a shadow. The wind picked up speed and I shivered.

    "What's troubling you, Lamar? It's not like you to be so laconic."

    "I don't know," I said. "Just have a lot on my mind. Ever since… what happened to Tum and Hooper, I just can't seem to get my head together."

    "How so?"

    I paused, gripping the rail tighter. "Well, I mean… what's the point, you know? Growing up, I didn't have a real good life, but I fought to make it better. Same thing as an adult. Lost my job a few months back, but still, I fought hard to make things better again. Fought to survive. And then everything went to shit. Everyone I've met since then is doing the same thing. They're all fighting to survive, even when the odds are against them. My neighbor, Alan-he and I used to talk about it at night, while we watched those things outside. Neither one of us had an answer, but we went on fighting anyway. Didn't matter in the end. We went on a supply run and he got bit. I had to… I had to shoot him before he turned. When we made it to the ship, I thought maybe that would be the end of it for a while. But then Stephanie went. She knew she was dying. She must have. But she never said a word. She was still anxious to help. Eager to hold on. And Turn-even after he'd been exposed, he was fighting it. 1 don't think he was even aware, but he was fighting it just the same. You could see it in his eyes. Hear it in his voice. Kept saying that he just wanted to rest a minute. Like he'd be okay again if he could just do that."

    The professor nodded. "The human spirit is indeed strong."

    "Sure it is. Survival instinct is a motherfucker. But why? I mean, you saw what happened back in Baltimore. What's the point? Don't you think that maybe we're all just biding our time? The zombies have to outnumber us by now."

    "If they don't, they soon will." '"So then why don't we give up? Seems like it would be easier. I'm fucking tired, Professor. And so are you. Don't bullshit me. I can see it in your eyes. I feel like I just want to give up. So why can't I?"