Читаем 7c6cdd7d45cb035b54aafd3ac9eb9cc8 полностью

As is our custom, we dropped by the office to regale Odelia with the latest tidbits of news from the streets of Hampton Cove. It wasn’t all that earth-shattering, but still. Buster, the hairdresser’s Main Coon, told us that Gwayn Partington, the plumber, was having an affair with the electrician’s wife, and that Mayor Butterwick had decided to adopt a new hairstyle. Over at the police precinct we’d witnessed firsthand how Uncle Alec had been looking up websites on hair transplants and had taken receipt of a box of Slimmo, the patented method of losing up to thirty pounds in a single week. And at the doctor’s office Tex’s replacement Denby Jennsen was still as popular as ever, his waiting room filled with half of Hampton Cove’s female population. Jennsen is a very handsome man, it must be said, and could probably snag a major part in any medical TV show.

Denby’s Anatomy, in other words, was very much in demand.

So all in all not much news, and certainly nothing worth printing, unless Odelia decided to turn the budding romance between her uncle and Charlene Butterwick into newspaper fodder, turning them into a local celebrity couple. Somehow I didn’t think the affair between the town’s mayor and chief of police would capture the hearts and minds to the same extent as some Hollywood heartthrob’s latest conquest, though.

“Great news, you guys,” said Odelia the moment we walked into her office.

“We have some great news, too,” said Dooley. “Uncle Alec is getting new hair and a new waistline.”

This stymied Odelia somewhat.“What?” she asked, taken aback a little.

I explained to her about Slimmo and the hair transplant site and Odelia tsk-tsked mildly.“You shouldn’t spy on my uncle or my uncle’s girlfriend, you guys.”

And here I thought she wanted us to spy on everyone.“Also, Charlene asked Fido to give her Jennifer Aniston’s hair,” said Dooley, not discouraged by Odelia’s admonition.

Odelia frowned as she processed this.“Mh. So Charlene got Jennifer Aniston’s haircut and my uncle is surfing hair transplant websites and taking dodgy diet pills. I have a feeling their romance is seriously hotting up.”

“He was also surfing some other site,” said Dooley. He crinkled his brow as he tried to recall. “They sell little blue pills that help men with their election. Do you think Uncle Alec is going to enter the election, Odelia?”

Odelia blushed a little, and appeared flustered by this information. I would have corrected Dooley, but somehow I had a feeling this would lead me into hot water, so I didn’t.

Odelia cleared her throat.“In other news,” she said, “I think you’ll be happy to know that Dan has given me the green light.”

Dooley appeared puzzled.“Why would Dan give you a green light?”

“I mean, he gave me the go-ahead.”

“Go ahead where?”

“Thailand! And you guys are coming with!”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cat turn white around the nostrils. For one thing it’s very hard to notice, what with all the hair, but I had the distinct impression Dooley went as white as a sheet. “But I don’t want to go!” he cried, once he’d recovered from the shock.

“What?” said Odelia, taken aback by his vehemence.

“They eat cats in Thailand, Odelia,” he lamented, “and I don’t want to be eaten!”

She laughed—actually had the gall to laugh at our predicament! I’d always thought Odelia was a compassionate person, always looking out for our well-being. But now, certain death staring us in the face, she was practically rolling on the floor laughing!

“People don’t eat cats in Thailand, Dooley,” she said once she’d recovered from her laughing fit. “That’s China you’re thinking about.”

“No, I’m not thinking about China,” said Dooley. “I’m thinking about Thailand and the fact that I don’t want to be roasted over a slow fire like a chicken.”

“Rotisserie cat,” I said in a low voice, and shivered from stem to stern. “Brrr.”

“Look, you guys, no one is going to roast you over a fire, slow or otherwise. I’m sure the Thai simply love cats—they revere them. So you’ll be perfectly safe. And I’ll be there with you the whole time, so nothing can happen. In fact, since I’m one of the candidates, I’m pretty sure I’ll be treated like royalty over there. And that means so will you.”

“Royalty?” asked Dooley, still suspicious. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure! Passion Island is the network’s biggest moneymaker, so they’re going to make sure we’re pampered to within an inch of our lives. And you know what that means. The best hotel, the best food, the best accommodations. In fact it wouldn’t surprise me if you two didn’tget your own personal assistant to cater to your every need.”

I perked up at this, and so did Dooley. A personal assistant catering to our every need was just the kind of thing I’d always dreamed of. Odelia may be the best human a cat could find, but she’s also a very busy human, always running off to cover some story or try and solve some mystery, rarely taking the time to pamper us twenty-four seven.