Читаем Ivanov полностью

SashaThis isn’t anger, it’s a nervous breakdown.

IvanovNo, I haven’t lost my mind, it’s as clear as your conscience. We love each other, but there’ll be no wedding. I poisoned my wife’s last year. While you’ve been engaged to me, you’ve forgotten how to smile, and you look five years older. Your father used to see life so plain, and now, thanks to me, it’s got him completely baffled. No, don’t interrupt. I sound vicious because I’m furious with myself and I don’t know how to sound any different. I never used to blame life for my problems, but since I started bitching about everything, without thinking or even noticing I’ve begun to curse life, and everyone around me is infected with the same disgust and has started cursing it too. What a wonderful attitude! – as if I were doing life a favour by going on living. So to hell with me!

SashaStop . . . Listen to what you’ve been saying! You’re now tired of complaining and you’re ready to start a new life! That’s good!

IvanovWhat’s good about it? What new life? I’m spent. Done for. It’s time we both understood that. A new life!

SashaNikolay, get hold of yourself! Who says you’re done for? Don’t be so defeatist! No – enough talk – I’m not listening. Go to church!

IvanovI tell you I’m finished!

SashaStop shouting, the guests will hear you.

IvanovWhen an intelligent, educated, healthy man begins to fall apart for no reason and starts on the downhill slide, he’s going to slide till he hits bottom and there’s no saving him. What could I grab hold of? I can’t drink for courage – it gives me a headache. Write rotten verses? – don’t know how. Make an icon of my spiritual despair and my idleness and convince myself it’s rather noble? I can’t do it. Idleness is idleness, weakness is weakness, I don’t have any other names for them. It’s over for me, all over, and that’s that. (Looks round.) They’ll come back in a minute. Listen. If you love me, help me. This minute. Break off our engagement. Give me up. Be quick.

SashaOh, Nikolay, you don’t know how you’ve tired me out. Is it fair to put all this on me? There’s not a day that you don’t ask something of me, some task, each one harder than the last. I yearned for active love, but honestly this is love for martyrs.

IvanovAnd when you’re my wife, it’ll get worse. So break it off! It’s only your misplaced sense of loyalty that’s stopping you. Do you see?

SashaWhat a desperate and illogical argument. I love you. You have no one – no mother, no sisters, no friends. You’re ruined, your estate has been eaten away, everyone around you is saying horrible things about you . . . and you expect me to give you up? How can I?

Ivanov(aside) I should never have come here. I should have done it my own way.

Ivanov takes a revolver from his pocket. Nobody sees this because Sasha has turned towards Lebedev’s entrance.

Sasha(runs to meet him) Papa – Oh, God – he came bursting in here like a lunatic, torturing the life out of me! He wants me to break it off – he says he doesn’t want to ruin me. Tell him I don’t want his selfless gestures! I know what I’m doing.

Ivanov puts the gun back into his pocket.

LebedevI don’t understand anything . . . What selfless gestures?

IvanovThere isn’t going to be any wedding!

SashaYes, there is! Tell him, Papa!

LebedevWait a moment, wait . . . Why don’t you want there to be a wedding?

IvanovI’ve told her why. She refuses to understand me.

LebedevNo, don’t tell her, tell me. And explain it so I can understand it. Honestly, Nikolay, you turn life into a sort of modern art gallery – I look at things and don’t know what to make of them . . . It’s a punishment for something. Well, what’s an old fellow like me supposed to do about you? Challenge you to a duel or what?

IvanovA duel won’t be necessary.

Sasha(walks up and down the stage in agitation) Oh, it’s all so dreadful! – He’s like a child.